Thoughts

I just feel like I need to write some of the thoughts that are jumbled in my head lately... and these are not all "happy, bubbly, positive" Hannah thoughts. I've even gone back and forth on whether or not to post it. Oh well, here goes... another one of my honest, journal-ish posts:

I received some horrible, awful, no good news today about a family member. I'm so upset even though everyone is telling me not to worry about it. Me, not worry? Yeah right.

I haven't been the best wife to Landon lately. For some reason he gets the worst side of me. Why do I treat the person I love most the worst? Why does he get to see my grumpy/impatient side when everyone else just sees my sweet/happy side? Not fair. I need to fix it. Landon deserves so much more. He is so sweet to me and I know that I get his best side. On Saturday it had been three days since I washed my hair and I had been scrubbing the bathroom for two hours and he just looked at me like I was the most beautiful girl in the world, told me I was so pretty, and then I continued to complain, stomp my foot, and tell him how ugly I felt. What is wrong with me?! Ugh. Luckily, he is very patient and very forgiving. I need to be better.

I'm so lucky.

A lot of people have been asking lately if I am struggling with infertility. I think when most Mormons have been married longer than a year without having a baby people immediately think, they must be struggling with infertility! I am not mad/offended/sad at ALL that people assume this, because most people are just so sweet about it. But we just aren't the norm. Yes we have almost been married for three years and no we are not trying. Just to set the record straight. Also, I can definitely see why people would think that based on my MANY blog posts about wanting to be a mom so desperately. It's definitely a very personal topic, and one that's between me, Landon, and the Lord. Landon has actually gotten SO sick of people asking that he now tells people we don't want kids. You should see some of the reactions he gets! Especially at church! Oh my... sure shuts 'em up ;)

We bought a scale at Costco. Dang it. I have gained 10 pounds since my pre-married life. Not really okay. So I decided I need to eat healthier and not eat ice cream every day (and I wonder why I gained 10 pounds... HA!). Yeah... that lasted about one day. Why am I so addicted to bad food?! I really don't know how to break the habit.... especially with this sitting in our freezer: 

oh hello, delicious ice cream

I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. I can't say it enough. It is such a blessing to get to work with kids again! It is what I am meant to do.And the kids I nanny are the cutest. They make me laugh, every single day. We are just best buds. At the park the other day I overheard Gabby telling one of her new friends that she only has one true friend, and it's her nanny. Melt my heart!! I also have the best boss, ever. Hands down. I'm so lucky.

aren't they the cutest?

We have FIVE more work days until our CCCCRRRUUUIIISSSEEEE! Yay! We are so excited to relax and spend time together. 11 days straight with my best friend is pure bliss. 

I miss my family. I miss my friends. Being in Utah was so much fun, but when it came time to say bye to everyone I was just in a complete PANIC. I felt sick to my stomach and just completely shaky. I really just need Utah to be a little bit closer. Please? Pretty please? Or... better yet everyone should just move up here. It really is so great here! So so so green, close to the ocean, cool city... everything you could ever want!

Alright, that's all I can think of for now. My brain feels less jumbled. Landon is taking me out tonight... I've had a rough day. What would I do without him?