A Landon Update.

I usually do "Charlie Updates" but a Landon update is definitely past due!

I've been posting little tidbits here and there about what has been going on with Landon's eyes, but I haven't ever been able to share the story publicly until now. The reason why it has all been so hush hush is because for the past year we have been trying to pursue legal action with no such luck. I am very lucky that my brother is a lawyer because he has been such a help to us! Unfortunately, medical malpractice cases are almost impossible to pursue... and we were not able to find a doctor to testify for us, which is 100% necessary for a case like this. Dang it. So now that we can't pursue anything legally, I can finally talk about everything openly! And I like to be open. :)

The day after Charlie's first birthday (April 20, 2017) Landon got LASIK. It didn't feel like a big deal, because we know tons of people who have had LASIK with no problems. We honestly treated it as if he were getting a crown put on a tooth or something. No biggie.

This picture was taken the night before he got LASIK, on Charlie's 1st birthday. It haunts me...

Picking up my cutie after his LASIK.

Unfortunately, Landon had a horrible result from the surgery. His biggest problem is that he has ghosting (double vision) in both of his eyes. Here are a few pictures to illustrate (roughly) what Landon sees.

Most people who have ghosting typically experience it at night, like seeing two moons in the night sky. But Landon sees ghosting ALL the time. Anything that has a light source causes him to see double of that image. He works as a software engineer--so imagine staring at a screen and keyboard all day and seeing DOUBLE of all of the letters.

For the first few months I tried to have hope and be strong for Landon. I told him that his doctor (who I'm actually not going to name...) would have answers for us and that he must still be healing (even though most people who get LASIK see great within a few days). Well, we went to see the doctor on my birthday of last year. The appointment lasted a whole nine minutes. The doctor was acting almost mad at us for not being satisfied with the results!

Doctor: Well you were seeing 20/800 before and now you see 20/20!  

Landon: Well I saw 20/20 perfectly fine with my contacts and had no issues with them.... 

Doctor: I just can't see how you would regret having LASIK... 

Landon: Am I ever going to be able to see normally again? Is there anything we can do?!?!? 

Doctor: Wait 6 months-4 years (like really, what are those numbers?!) and your eye will heal. Oh, and keep using your lubricating drops! 

Not even exaggerating here you guys, just summarizing...I've kept detailed notes throughout this whole thing.

Our world came crashing down after that appointment. We felt so hopeless and SO misled by the whole situation. We were never warned that this could happen. We figured that it was possible they couldn't get his vision to exactly 20/20, but then Landon could just pop in a soft contact... no big deal.

Well, the problem with his new vision is that it's not easily correctable. Without getting too technical, a soft contact won't help Landon because his corneas are completely misshapen. The weird shape of his cornea distorts all the light coming into his eye, making his vision crappy. The only way to fix the vision of a crappy-shaped cornea is with a hard contact lens--not regular contacts or glasses.

Over the next few months, Landon went through a debilitating depression. He lost 15 pounds because he couldn't eat. He would come home from work and just lay on the couch or our bed and close his eyes because he needed some RELIEF from seeing the crazy way he was seeing. We spent almost every night sobbing our eyes out together. It was ROUGH. Our life felt completely on hold and we felt so hopeless. That's the worst feeling in the world. It was so hard to watch Landon like that because he's usually my funny, level-headed, sarcastic, adventurous guy... but he was just SO down.

He would spend hours and hours looking through eye scans and researching on the internet trying to find answers that his doctor couldn't provide. We learned a LOT about eyes!

During this time we exhausted our resources trying to find a solution and fix Landon's vision. Again, his problem is not easily correctable. We found an awesome new ophthalmologist (Dr. Zavodni) who was able to help us understand what was going on and offered sympathy, which was amazing. He recommended us to a guy who fitted Landon with a RGP (rigid gas permeable) contact, and it did help his vision but it was extremely uncomfortable and unsteady on his eye.

Next we decided to go to Denver to see Dr. Ward. The reason we went all the way to Denver to see this doctor is because he specializes in custom contacts, specifically for people who have wonky-shaped corneas. We were really hoping it would be an answer to our prayers, but the custom scleral lens (a hard contact that is so big it goes onto the whites of your eye aka your sclera) was sooo uncomfortable and caused Landon more eye pain, in addition to getting foggy after wearing it for an hour or so. We REALLY loved Dr. Ward and his staff though. Like seriously loved them!

His eyes are all freaky green from the fluorescein they put in the scleral lens to check the fit.

I love him.

My parents came to Denver with us too, which was such a huge help!!! We couldn't have done all the appointments without them! 

At this point, we hit another rock bottom. If a custom contact couldn't help then what else could we do?! We really didn't want Landon to get another surgery... but we did more research and found out about a treatment called topography guided PRK. This is basically a surgery that is done right on top of your cornea (unlike LASIK which is done under a flap they create. Gross) and the main goal is to smooth out the topography (or shape) of the cornea. The problem was, this surgery has only been approved in the US for about one year. We did NOT want to go to a doctor who had only performed the surgery a handful of times, especially after all we had been through.

In Europe they've been doing this type of surgery for 15+ years, so that seemed like the obvious choice and we were desperate to find a solution for Landon. We contacted a few different offices and decided to go with Dr. Stojanovic in NORWAY! I wasn't about to take Charlie on a 10+ hour flight, so Landon had to leave us for 10 days and went to Norway for the surgery with his dad and brother at the end of November. I am SOOO grateful they were able to go with him. It was such an anxious and scary time for us, and having them there with him helped A TON! Anyway, he only did his right eye, because we wanted to make sure it worked before paying to do both. The surgery cost $4,500!!

Dr. Stojanovic really is awesome! Landon loves him!!  

I wish this was the end of our story and I could say that the surgery worked perfectly and was the answer to our prayers... but it wasn't. In fact, Landon's vision has been WORSE since the surgery. I can't even begin to explain the pain we both went through after this, our last hope. Landon was so defeated.

On Christmas morning, Landon was so sad he didn't even want to open presents. A day that is supposed to be filled with light and hope and love was one of the saddest days of my life. I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed as we delayed opening presents. That may sound silly, but I feel like it all came crashing down on me realizing that our life would never be the same and even the happiest day of the year was a horrible day.

This picture breaks my heart. We were just trying to have a normal and happy Christmas... 

Fake smiles :(

But the good news is that after that day, Landon turned a corner. His vision is still as crappy as ever but his attitude and hope and outlook on life has done a complete 180. He is freaking AMAZING! Of course he still has his moments and it still impacts his daily life, but he has learned to deal with it. I can't even imagine seeing the world through such a distorted view, but he has come to terms with his new vision. It seriously breaks my heart, but I couldn't be more proud of him.

In January, for the first time in 8 months we finally were EXCITED about life! It felt amazing! That's when we went on our little spending spree (bought the hot tub, booked a cruise, bought a Corvette, etc.) We were just full of LIFE and it was amazing to have something to actually look forward to! While Landon was in the depths of his depression, talking about going on an awesome vacation or anything in the future just depressed him more. It felt SO good to finally live again!

Now that's a happy boy :)

As you can imagine during his 8 month depression, it was also very hard for him to work. Not only was it hard for him to SEE and focus, but he just did not have any DRIVE. He got his work done, but he wasn't pushing himself or trying to move forward.

Well, after his 180 change, he also changed his attitude with work and started to really push himself and shine. And guess what? In March he got a HUGE promotion! He's only been at InContact for 2.5 years, but he is now a PRINCIPAL software engineer! The job description says 12+ years of experience... so that just shows how big of a deal this title is for him. He seriously AMAZES me! This is one of the highest titles he can have as a software engineer at his work, other than lead architect or director. Have I mentioned that I am so proud of him?!?!

So right now we are continuing the process of trying to find Landon a contact. So far, we have tried two more with no luck. They all help his vision, but the problem is finding one that is comfortable and doesn't get foggy. We will just keep looking and keep trying and hope that we can find a solution or that some new medical technologies will come along. We have spent close to 12k on medical expenses for his eyes this year, so we are also hoping Landon's butthead of a doctor will at least reimburse us for the cost of his original LASIK surgery. We'll see... :)

Anyway, I'm just so in love with my cute husband and so proud of how he has triumphed over this extremely difficult situation over this past year. He's my hero!!!!