Simultaneous

Lately, I have let myself become overcome with stress instead of being grateful for what I have. I have chosen to view my life in terms of what's wrong instead of what's right.

I heard those quote recently and it has stuck with me.

"Both abundance and lack exist simultaneously in our lives, as parallel realities. It is always our conscious choice which secret garden we will tend...when we choose not to focus on what is missing in our lives but are grateful for the abundance that is present -- love, health, family, friends, work, the joys of nature and personal pursuits that bring us pleasure -- the wasteland of illusion falls away and we experience heaven on earth."

So, now is the time for me to adjust my attitude.

The thought has been pressing on my mind how POINTLESS it was for me to go to school and here were my reasons:

• I don't even get to teach. In Oregon they require you to have a masters, and even then people can't find jobs.
• I have almost 40k in student loans people. That's a LOTTA money for something I don't even get to use.
• The job I have now definitely doesn't require a diploma of any kind
• I am now having to work at an office (not my ideal work setting) to help pay off our loans. If we didn't have these loans I would most likely be a stay at home mom in the near future. My dream. My ultimate dream and biggest desire of my heart (read all about it here). And these dang student loans are standing in my way. We don't want to take 20 years to pay them off --we want them gone NOW which means chunking away my entire paycheck each month to pay them off within 3 years. And guess what? If I didn't go to school these student loans wouldn't exist.

Bad attitude, right? Don't worry, it's since changed to this:

• Who knows, maybe Oregon will change their requirements and I will be able to teach someday? Or maybe we won't live in Oregon for as long as we think?
• Or maybe we stay in Oregon and raise our kids here. Since the school system is a little crappy here, I will be able to use my education to supplement my kids' learning and make sure they're on track.
• I made some GREAT life-long friends in college and had some amazing experiences. I learned and grew and became a better person.
• Education and a diploma are ALWAYS a good thing, and I am so grateful to be prepared and have mine because you just never know.
• The things I learned in school will help me when I'm a mother
• And last, but definitely not least, I met this boy while I was in college:

Yep, I need to stop complaining and start realizing that Heavenly Father DOES have a plan for me, even though I may not always see the immediate benefits.

I am truly so blessed. I have a loving husband who is my best friend. I have the best family and friends that will always be there for me. I have a job. Landon has a job. We have a warm place to sleep. We have food & clothes. We have love. We have the gospel. We have each other.

So, lesson learned. Choose to view your life as all the abundance you have instead of lack of abundance. You really can look at your life either way, but why not choose the happy version?

P.S. Thanks Landon Dean for holding me as I cried with my bad attitude. And thanks for helping me see the happy version of my life. You're my rock :)

P.P.S. Love this new Taylor Swift song. It accurately describes how I feel most days and how it all changes when I get to be with my Landon :)