Cacti.

Over the summer, my posts have been all about our fun trips and projects and future plans and all those things are happy and exciting... but, of course that's just a small snapshot of our life. Trust me, our life is filled with plenty of things that are pretty ordinary or downright horrible... I guess I like to blog and focus on the happy things more than the not-so-happy things. But today I kind of want to get real here for a sec...

I'm not going to sit here and list out all the things that are wrong or hard in my life, but I do want to talk about some hard things to show how I choose to view these things in a positive light. That doesn't mean I don't have my "Negative Nancy" days, because sometimes you just need to cry it out and throw yourself a pity party... but most days, I choose not to focus on the bad because honestly that would be pretty depressing and I would cry every day. That's just no way to live.

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Cactus #1: My dad has cancer.

It's really hard to type out those words. He was diagnosed exactly two years ago last month. Prostate cancer is supposed to be a "nice" cancer. A cancer that just takes a surgery and then that's that... it's gone! Right? I wish. My dad's cancer is the mean kind. I won't go into detail, but basically his cancer won't be going away. It's here to stay.

So, how on earth do you view such an ugly thing like cancer in a positive light? It isn't easy. And some days I'm literally paralyzed with sadness and fear. I had a particularly dark moment laying on my bedroom floor sobbing when I had a realization... this is NOT how Heavenly Father would want me to be feeling. I said a quick prayer and asked for help so I could push these dark, horrible thoughts from my mind. I asked for help to fill my heart with hope and faith instead. Just because my dad has cancer, doesn't mean I need to SIT on it or dwell on it every day. It's that simple. Do your best not to dwell on it and don't let your mind go to that dark place. Recognize the GOOD that has come from the "cactus," because I promise there's beauty and good to be found even in the saddest times.

What good has come from my dad having cancer? First off, my parents are finally going to retire! I can't tell you how happy this makes me! They have been raising kids for 40+ years and deserve some time to RELAX and focus on themselves!! They deserve it more than anyone I know. They seriously haven't given thought to anyone but their kids for 40+ YEARS. They bought a trailer and a truck and they are taking time to travel and enjoy their time together while my dad is healthy. I am so grateful that they are finally getting a chance to spend quality time with just the two of them. They also just got back from an amazing trip to England to visit both of their families. I don't even know how long it's been since they've been back to England together but I'm just SO happy they finally splurged and went back to the Motherland.

I just can't get over how cute they are. They're such lovebirds :)

Visting my mom's childhood home near Liverpool

This was one of their weekend getaways that they often take together. They decided to rent a paddleboat. I mean really? Could they be any cuter?! I love them so much. 

Cactus #2: I don't have children yet.

In a few months we will be celebrating our five year anniversary. FIVE years. Wow, we are definitely not newlyweds anymore! In our Mormon culture, most couples have kids 1-2 years after getting married. I assumed this is how my life would go, so when it didn't I was basically devastated. I had some really rough times after graduating college, moving to Oregon, and working in an office instead of being a stay-at-home mom like I had always planned. It was a time of heartache and tears and anger and all that yucky stuff. I was not only sitting on my cactus, I was full on sprawled out on my cactus and poking myself in the eye with the needles. Over and over and over again. 

I learned SO much through this experience. It's amazing how much I've grown up and how much I've come to appreciate the present and live with gratitude. Looking back now, I wouldn't change a thing! I've had the most amazing five years with my cute Landon. I can't believe how much we've done and how much we've grown as a couple. We've experienced so much together--we moved to a new state by ourselves, bought a house, learned a hobby together, bought a boat, became puppy parents, been on so many trips and cruises... It's been the best five years of my life. This time has also been amazing for us to really establish a strong foundation for our family. I know that my children's happiness and well-being will depend a LOT on how happy and stable our marriage is. Landon and I have had our fair share of fights and arguments, but after 5 years of being together we definitely understand each other and have really learned how to fight fair, listen, and compromise. It's pretty much awesome. I know that taking the time to focus on each other will be a lot harder once our kiddos come, so I'm very grateful for this time we've had just the two of us :)

Anyway, life is great. Even when we have horrible bits mixed in. We all have hard times, but those bad experiences can really be for our good because through them we can learn and grow SO much! It's our attitude that determines our happiness, not our circumstances. I try every day to not poke myself in the eye with my cacti (totally did not mean to rhyme there... but that should be on a plaque! Ha!)

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