Letting Go.

"Let it go, let it go. Can't hold it back anymore. Let it go, let it go. Turn away and slam the door."

Yes, so cliche and so cheesy, but I've always loved this song. It applies to me in SO many areas of my life. But one thing I really need to let go of right now is MY plan and my pride.

It's hard to just turn your life into the hands of Heavenly Father and I've been fighting it for so long... but I know I need to. I know I need to stop "fighting" with Him and just give myself up. How prideful for me to think that my plan is better? That I know better? That I know what's best for me? I can mope and whine and cry and plead all day long... but in the end, it doesn't do any good does it? It doesn't change the fact that MY plan isn't going to happen. It's never MY plan. It's always HIS plan. And I know this, but for some reason I have the hardest time accepting it. I have been begging him to answer my prayers. I have been praying for a miracle. And last week I was done. I didn't want to pray anymore. I was so upset that nothing seemed to be happening.

Later that day, something amazing happened. I guess you could call it a small miracle. It was something we've been praying for for MONTHS (more on that later, no I'm not pregnant!) I felt like such a spoiled brat. I've been praying and pleading and begging and then felt so angry that I hadn't received MY answer in MY timeframe that I wanted. So I didn't pray. Me me me me me. PRIDE.

So when my prayer was finally answered I felt so guilty for being angry and not praying earlier that morning. I immediately turned to prayer and thanked Heavenly Father for answering our prayers and apologized again and again for being such a brat. Did I feel like He was upset with me? Not at all. Because He knows me. And He knows my heart. He knows how much I love Him. He knows my intentions and my desires. He knows my struggles. He knows my fears. He knows my hopes. And I think that was His way of showing me that He IS listening and he DOES care. I can't just give up on him like that, especially when I need Him the most.

So keep praying for miracles. Keep praying through your trials. Even though somedays you might feel like He's not listening, He is. Let go of your plans and turn your life over to Him. He knows what's best and His plan for our life is far better than what we could even imagine. It's all going to be okay. Life is good.

P.S. If you feel like I've blogged about this very thing before, you are right. I have the hardest time giving up my plans and it is something I am constantly reminding myself of! :)