Wednesday, November 25, 2015

Six Years!

Six years ago today, on the day before Thanksgiving, I married the love of my life. Thanksgiving will always mean so much more to me now. I love having this week to reflect on everything I'm grateful for, especially my biggest blessing, Landon! I am SO grateful that I am married to my best friend and I get to be with him forever.

I really can't believe Landon and I have been married for six years. Doesn't that seem like a long time? Does this mean we're old?!

I look back at pictures from when we were engaged/newlyweds and I just feel like we look like such babies. We WERE such babies! It's also kind of crazy for me to think that I married someone that I loved as much as I loved Landon six years ago. Because honestly, it's pretty much nothing compared to how much I love him now. And I know six years from now I'll be saying the same thing about how I feel today.

I was pretty much ready to have a baby after being married for 2 years. But now that we are finally expecting our first baby, I am so happy that things worked out the way they did. I look back at all these years we've had just the two of us with SO much gratitude! We've had so much time to really nurture and develop our relationship. We've been on so many adventures together. We've traveled to six countries and been on six cruises. We bought a huge boat and sailed it in the ocean. We've road tripped. We moved out of state and lived on our own. We've been irresponsible and quit our jobs without any prospects (you can't really do that with kids!!) We've basically been living like newlyweds for the past 6 years and I couldn't be more grateful for this time with just Landon and me.

Now I'm bawling thinking that this is our last anniversary just the two of us. I know next year I'll have a whole new perspective and love and appreciation for Landon and I'll be SO happy to celebrate year 7 with our little baby boy, but goodness, it kind of breaks my heart at the same time. Isn't it weird how excited I can be to welcome this sweet baby into our family and how it makes me a little sad at the same time? It makes me feel horrible, but change is hard and scary. But of course so happy and exciting. I'm just a big ball of pregnancy emotions right now!

Anyway, these past 6 years have been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs but there's no one in the world I would've rather spent them with! Thanks for being my very best friend Landon Dean! I love you forever!

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Pregnancy Update: 17 Weeks!

I really didn't plan on doing these every week, but so far I've really liked documenting every week :) So we'll see if I can keep this up the whole time or not.

Baby is the Size of a: Turnip! He's about 5 inches long from head to bum and weighs about 5 ounces. Sunday mornings are my favorite because as soon as we wake up I grab my computer and read about our new week and how big our baby is. The babycenter app told us that baby is really developing his hearing and loud noises may startle him. So now I feel super protective and don't want anyone making sudden loud noises and startling my baby!

Cravings: My ideal meal is still a baked potato and a bowl of white rice. In fact I made orange chicken on Friday only so I could have a few pieces of chicken and a ginormous bowl of white rice. YUM!

Food Aversions: Still not loving food, so I'd say my food aversions are everything except things like plain rice, plain bread, potatoes, top ramen.... It's so weird. I can't remember what it feels like to enjoy food. I'm so excited to eat a HUGE plate of mashed potatoes for Thanksgiving, maybe a little bit of turkey, and then 5 rolls. Now that sounds good!

Weight Gain: Good news! I've found everything I was missing! I found my jewelry, my scale, and our tv stand. Yay! Anyway, I have gained about 6 pounds so far. I have a feeling I'm not going to be so willing to admit this number when it's like 45 pounds haha!

Symptoms: Well, I wish I could say I'm feeling great. But I seriously don't think there's an end in sight for the puking. In fact, this morning I stood up and said to Landon, "happy 17 weeks baby!" and then ran to the bathroom to throw up. On top of that I now have a sore throat and cough so I am pregnancy sick, and sick sick. Fun stuff :)

Fears: A few people were talking to me about labor this week. I just can't really think about it too much!

General Mood: Right now, I'm actually in a grumpy mood. Ha but really overall I'd say I'm happy. I just have major mood swings.

Sleep: Sleeping like a baby! And I love naps!

Maternity Clothes: I finally bought some maternity jeans! They are amazing!!! I think I'll want to wear them even when I'm not pregnant. They're so comfy!

Movement: YES!! I have definitely felt little kicks this week! It's my favorite thing in the whole world!!!! It made me cry, of course, but what doesn't these days? ;)

Looking Forward To: We have another doctors appointment this week, so I can't wait to hear his little heartbeat! Our appointment is actually on our anniversary, which I'm also really looking forward to! Hopefully I'm not sick that day or the day after (Thanksgiving!)

And here's the 17 week bump picture. I really can't believe how big my belly is getting! I love it!

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

My Amazing Daddy.

I've talked vaguely about my dad's battle with cancer on my blog, but I wanted to talk a little bit more about it... with my daddy's permission of course :)

I remember clearly hearing about my dad's cancer diagnosis for the first time, it was August 2012. Prostate cancer. One of the least serious of all the cancer diagnosis you can get. I remember everyone telling me that most people don't even know they have prostate cancer because it's so benign and they die from old age never knowing they even had it. It's not aggressive. It's not scary. But I was terrified. Cancer not being scary? Yeah right.

He went in for a biopsy and got the results back in September. I feel bad now, because when my mom called to tell me that it was in fact cancer, I lost it. I can't even type this now without crying, remembering how hard it was to hear that my dad was sick. I am too young to have a sick dad. He's too young to be sick.

A few months after his diagnosis, he had surgery to remove the cancer on October 29, 2012. Surgery will definitely get rid of ALL the cancer and he'll be just fine, says everyone... His doctor was confident he would be cured.

Well, of course the cancer was still there, even after the surgery. Because it's cancer. And cancer sucks. Instead of being at a level of 0.0, the cancer was at .7. Low, but still there. Not cured.

Well if the surgery couldn't get rid of it, surely weeks and weeks of radiation treatment would get rid of anything that was leftover. There's no way this wouldn't work...

For 13 weeks my dad went in for 5 treatments a week. That's a lot of treatment!

But you guessed it, there was STILL cancer left. It had now been over a year since my dad's surgery and radiation treatment. He was told by doctors at this point that his cancer was incurable. Basically, there was no stopping it.

But it was such a small amount, there was no need to worry. It was progressing so slowly, that it would be years and years and years until my dad needed more treatment (hormone therapy, chemo, etc).

Well it progressed slowly...until it didn't anymore. Because my dad's cancer was not benign. It wasn't nice. I mean, it's cancer after all. And it was aggressive.

My dad had to go to the doctor every 3 months to see how his numbers were progressing, and when they started to progress more quickly he had to go in every month. Every month in Oregon I dreaded the call from my mom telling me his cancer had progressed faster than they thought. It was SO hard to be away from my family and away from my dad. I can't imagine the stress he was under, always waiting for his next appointment to see what his fate would be.

The way the numbers for his cancer work is as soon as my dad got to 10 they would start treatments. The problem with treatments, is each treatment only works for a certain amount of time before the cancer gets smart enough to learn how to grow. So then you switch to a new treatment, and the cancer figures that one out too. So basically once you start treatment, your clock is ticking. There is no stopping the cancer, just trying to slow it. Pretty grim right? On top of that, treatments are just no fun and would make my dad very tired/sick.

So watching my dad's numbers make a huge jump from August to September (4.9 to 6.7) we knew that in the next few months my dad would have to start treatment, and also start the clock for how long he could battle cancer.

But my dad is awesome and decided to make some HUGE changes to his diet. He cut out most animal products/meat and tried his best to eat a vegan diet. He would occasionally sneak some cheese or eat organic chicken or fish, but overall he was eating vegan.

So in one month, my dad's levels jumped by 1.8. That means we'd expect September to October to look something like 6.7 to 8.5. Which means that by November he'd most likely be to 10 and be starting treatments.

But guess what? For the first time in over three years since his cancer diagnosis he got good news. His numbers only went up .3! So from 6.7 to 7!!

And guess what else? From October to November his numbers WENT DOWN! From 7 to 6.6!!!!!!

Can you believe it? His numbers went DOWN without any kind of treatment, just changing his diet! I couldn't be happier or more proud of my dad!

Here's a look at the chart my dad made to track his numbers. You can see how slow they were, how fast they jumped up, and then miraculously went down.

He will still go in every month to check on his levels, but we are all feeling so hopeful that with his lifestyle changes, the numbers will continue to go down or at least stop going up so fast. It's really amazing to see how much eating healthy helped my dad's cancer levels. It seriously makes me re-think the food I'm putting into my mouth and he definitely inspires me to be better!

Another amazing thing about my dad is his attitude throughout this whole thing. He has kept his faith and trust in God and even though I know there have been times where he's been scared or upset, he doesn't let that take over. He has been SO strong and so brave. I am so incredibly proud of him!!!

We are all SO proud of you daddy! Way to kick cancers butt!!!

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Pregnancy Update: 16 Weeks!

We had a really exciting week this week and got to see Baby Boy TWICE! My sister Emma is an OB and just started at a new practice. So she needed to test out her new ultrasound machine and I of course was more than willing to be her "test" patient :)

It is SOOO unreal to see him wiggling around. There is a real baby in my belly! It's crazy to me. And really, he doesn't stop moving! We have a hyper boy on our hands. It seriously was the CUTEST thing to watch him jumping. He also got the hiccups and his whole body would lurch, which was adorable but also broke my heart. Poor little guy, no one likes hiccups!

Okay sorry for the picture overload, he's just so cute!

It's also amazing to see all of his little body parts. His spine, his fingers and toes, his heart... I can't believe how developed he already is!

This is my favorite picture ever!!! Look at those fingers!!!!!
Anyway, it was so fun to see our baby and everything is looking great. We love him SO much! Thanks Dr. Emma! (P.S. A lot of people asked if she'll be my OB but unfortunately her office doesn't take my insurance. So that's lame.)

Baby is the Size of an: Avocado! About 4.5 inches from head to bum. The baby apps said that he might be able to hear us now, so we're making sure we tell him how much we love him and I've been jamming to The Beatles all day so he knows what the good stuff is :)

Cravings: Still not "craving" much of anything... But I have started eating chocolate again which is exciting! I'd definitely rather have a Twix over skittles now, which is more back to usual :) My ideal meal would be a bowl of white rice and a baked potato... so yeah, that's how bland my appetite is lately haha!

Food Aversions: Still not loving food of any kind. It's not that it tastes gross, but when you know it's coming back up it's hard to enjoy it.

Weight Gain: No idea! I've lost soooo many things in the move. I have no idea where my jewelry is and no idea where my scale is so maybe it's a good thing I don't know how much weight I've gained :)

Symptoms: I would say in general I feel "better" but still sick. I've started taking diclegis every morning, afternoon, and night instead of just night but I still throw up most days. Yuck. I'm also pretty tired and get dizzy/nauseous if I stand for too long. At our company's work meeting this week we did a service project to make meals for kids and I had to ask for a chair to sit down and do my part because I got so sick. It's embarrassing, but for some reason I feel SO much better when I sit!

Fears: I think I'm doing pretty good. May seems SO far away, so I don't feel scared yet about things like labor or taking care of a newborn. I'm sure I'll start freaking out soon :)

General Mood: Happy and grateful! I feel like I'm not as big of a brat as I was at the beginning of pregnancy, but I guess Landon would be the better judge of that ;)

Sleep: I've been getting 8-9 hours of sleep every night, but I could still use a nap every day. I used my hour lunch break the other day to sleep and it was AMAZING. I seriously slept the entire hour. Yesterday Landon and I took a 2 hour nap and it was glorious. Also I still have the weirdest dreams. Last night I had a dream that Landon told me he wanted a divorce. I seriously woke up crying and made Landon cuddle me for five minutes promising he would never leave me :)

Maternity Clothes: Not yet, but I wear pajamas all day most days :)

Movement: I SWEAR I have felt him move a few times laying in bed at night/in the morning. It just feels bubbly, which I guess could be gas. But I swear it's him! Especially knowing how active he is, I just know he's constantly jumping around in there!

Looking Forward To: I'm getting really excited for the holidays!! Our anniversary is coming up and I'm just SO happy we get to be in Utah with our families for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's such a blessing to live here!!!! It's also crazy to think that this is our last Christmas just the two of us and next Christmas we'll have an 8 month old crawling around!!! Ahhhh!

Also, I really can't handle how cute of a daddy Landon is. Every single day he kisses my belly and tells the baby how much he loves him. He also asks me every day "how's baby boy?" He's going to be the best dad in the world.

And here's the 16 week bump picture. I decided I look smaller this week for a few reasons. 1. This was taken in the afternoon and last week's picture was taken right before bed. My belly gets WAY bigger throughout the day 2. I think my shirt last week made me look bigger than I am. So anyway, here I am today at 16 weeks! Yay!!

Monday, November 9, 2015


Well this is a little early, because Thanksgiving isn't for a few weeks... but I just felt a need to post about how grateful I am. I really can't believe where I am in my life right now.

Let's just rewind 6 months. 2015 was a hard year for us (and I did a lot of vague random posts about struggling, but didn't tell you what was going on... Like this one this one and this one).

We had been feeling the urge to move to Utah for awhile, but we knew that we had a lot of things tying us down to Oregon (a great job, a house, and a sailboat that would look ridiculously out of place on any  Utah lake). So we decided to take some steps to get rid of what was holding us to Oregon.

You may have read this post about the ordeal we went through trying to sell the boat, but I'll just give you a little summary. It was ROUGH. It took us over 6 months and we had a couple of sales fall through, which meant we were so excited and had our hopes up, just to have it all come crashing down. There's not a huge market for 38 foot sailboats, if you didn't know. It was the worst feeling knowing that if we didn't sell our boat, we couldn't leave Oregon. Luckily, we did end up selling it but not until June and we listed it in January!

On top of that we had been trying to get pregnant all year with no success, and then a miscarriage. That was really hard.

During that time, Landon had been applying for jobs in Utah like crazy with no luck. He had a few phone interviews, but nothing ever worked out. He was super unhappy at his current job, which just sucks when you spend most of your time at work.

Then we got really bad news about my dad's cancer. In fact, we got the news on the same day as my miscarriage. It was on that same day that we called our realtor and told her we were ready to sell our house. We had reached our breaking point.

This is where the story has a happy ending. We got pregnant (YAY!), we got an offer on our house within 5 days of listing for full asking price, we quit our jobs without any prospects, moved to Utah and Landon got a job in less than a week, we found an amazing house, and we are LIVING IN UTAH WITH FAMILY! It's all seriously SO unreal to me. All of these miracles that happened all at once. Everything just falling right into place. And the cherry on top? For the first time in the years since my dad's cancer diagnosis we got some GOOD news today!

Basically, my heart could burst. I know that life can't always fall into place like this and life isn't always sunshine, but right now life is pretty darn good. And I just want to soak it in and take the time EVERY day to be thankful and to thank my Heavenly Father.

So in honor of Thanksgiving-month, I am trying really hard to focus on all that I've been blessed with lately and live with gratitude in my heart. I really have SO much to be grateful for this year!

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Pregnancy Update: 15 Weeks!

I didn't think I was going to do these every week... but I took a 15 week "bump" picture tonight and decided that I would just do a little update :)

Baby is the Size of a: Apple or large orange! Holy huge baby! He's about 4 inches and can sense light now. The babycenter app was telling me if I shine a flashlight on my belly he'll move away. At first I was like, cool!! maybe I'll try that. And then I was like, actually that's kind of rude. No one likes a flashlight in their face.

Cravings: Guess what?! This week I started liking chocolate again! Hallelujah! I've totally been on a milky way kick. Yum!! Also, we spent an embarrassing amount on clearance Halloween candy. Landon calls it, "adult trick-or-treating." So baby boy get ready for an insane amount of chocolate!

Food Aversions: I'm starting to get my appetite back which is nice. I still avoid things that are too greasy or that I think will be hard on my tummy.

Weight Gain: I need to find my scale!! It's packed away in a box somewhere in this disaster of my house... I'd say I've probably gained 5 pounds though? I'm looking pretty pregnant these days.

Symptoms: Still throwing up, almost daily but I swear it's starting to get a little better? I've been taking diclegis every night, morning, and afternoon so maybe that's actually helping. I used to just take it at night because it makes me so sleepy but I'd rather be sleepy than pukey. Also today at my mom's house I had a headache and everyone told me caffeine helps, so I drank a coke. Oh man! I need more coke in my life. I felt so happy and my headache seriously went away in like 20 minutes. Miracle worker!

Fears: I'm actually doing pretty good with the anxiety the past few days. Oh, random but today at my niece's baby blessing we were talking about how scary it is to cut baby's fingernails. That sounds dumb, but it's seriously something I've always been worried about. They're just so tiny and what if you cut their skin?!

General Mood: Definitely up and down! Mostly happy and extremely grateful. But earlier this week I was feeling VERRRRY sick and it was just really getting to me. Like I was feeling a little depressed about the lack of stuff I've gotten done and how horrible of a wife/person I've been. But then the next few days I started to feel a little better and I got some stuff done around my house. It was like a little miracle.

Sleep: Still sleeping like a baby :)

Maternity Clothes: Not yet. But I am totally rocking the un-done button on my jeans. I just don't even care anymore haha

Movement: Not yet, but hopefully in the next few weeks!

Looking Forward To: So I was supposed to get an ultrasound last week with my sister Dr. Emma, but it didn't get delivered because the delivery people are lame. So that's dumb. But she should be getting it tomorrow which means I should be getting an ultrasound and some cute pictures of baby boy this week! YAY!

Also, can we just talk about these tiny clothes my mom got for me? I'm obsessed. I can't believe that I'll be putting MY BABY in these clothes pretty soon. Is this real life?

Last but not least, LOOK HOW PREGNANT I AM! Haha I know people who are on their 2nd or 3rd baby start showing this early but everyone told me I wouldn't even look pregnant until 20 weeks. I really do love it though! :)

Sunday, November 1, 2015

Pregnancy Update: 14 Weeks!

Oh my gosh! HELLO SECOND TRIMESTER! Woohoooo! Apparently I'm supposed to start getting my energy back and feeling better. Ha! ;)

Anyway, Baby Boy scared me a few times this week... We went in for our doctor's appointment and the nurse couldn't find his heartbeat on the doppler. I was 13.5 weeks and they can normally find it as early as 12 weeks. So needless to say I was pretty freaked out. The nurse told us to wait a few minutes and that the doctor would do an ultrasound. That was pretty much the longest 15 minutes of my life. So when the doctor pulled us into the ultrasound room I was a nervous wreck. He started the ultrasound and I could immediately see our baby, but not the heartbeat. He was just casually showing us his head and spine and I was like... uhhh is his heart beating?!?! Finally he pointed out his little heart flickering away :) Baby Boy is pretty high in my belly and the nurse was looking pretty low, so that's why she couldn't find him. Man, that wasn't fun though. But it did mean we got to see the baby which was amazing! Unfortunately the ultrasound machine the doctor was using was literally from the 80's so we didn't get a picture... again.

Well a few days later I had some brown spotting. TMI but it's actually a big deal. This is what happened for weeks before my miscarriage, so it just sends me into a major panic. On top of that, since I'm RH negative, any spotting in pregnancy means I need to get a "rhogam shot." I don't really understand it, but basically if my blood mixes with the baby's blood I could develop a sensitivity that would be bad for this pregnancy and all future pregnancies. Sooo I called my nurse and she told me to come in and get the shot. But of course, I was also really worried about the baby too. When I got there she asked if I wanted to try the doppler to get some reassurance. I was SO grateful and she found his heartbeat within 30 seconds. It's the most beautiful sound I've ever heard! I also got to hear little "whooshes" of him moving around. Oh my gosh, he's so cute!!

But since I've had spotting, I'm not on "bedrest" but I am on "rest." They want to make sure the spotting stops and if it doesn't do some more research to get to the bottom of it. The cool thing is, my sister is an OB so she's going to do the researching for me next week! She is starting at a new office, so she told the office manager she needs to practice using the ultrasound machine and she wants to test it out on her sister ;) ha! Thanks Dr. Emma! I'm trying not to stress, but of course I'm worried about our baby. So hopefully everything is looking great and the spotting will just stop.

Anyway, that was longer than I intended. Let's get to it...

Baby is the Size of a: Lemon! 3.5 inches or about as big as a clenched fist. Holy moly! I just can't get over how fast they grow! My baby app also told me that this week he may start sucking his thumb. Soooo cute! I sucked my thumb until I was 8, so I wouldn't be surprised if we have a thumb sucker :)

Cravings: Nothing! Absolutely nothing.

Food Aversions: Everything. Not much has changed with my appetite since last week. It's pretty much just gone.

Weight Gain: Okay pregnancy brain. Luckily I re-read my posts before I post them because this is what I wrote the first time, "I actually weighed 3 pounds at my most recent appointment." Wow, I only weighed 3 pounds?! That's pretty tiny :) Haha I've GAINED 3 pounds since my last appointment :)

Symptoms: Still pretty sick. I'll occasionally have a "good" day where I don't puke, but then the next day I puke three times to make up for it. Thank goodness I'm working from home now! I also always feel tired. It doesn't matter if I got 9 hours of sleep and had a 2 hour nap. I just love sleep! But then I have the weirdest dreams. So weird. I can't even type them out on here because it's that embarrassing.

Fears: I'm definitely nervous about the spotting, but hopefully baby boy is fine and that was just a random thing.

General Mood: Happy, but super emotional. I cry over everything. Songs on the radio, cheesy commercials, the sunrise... You name it!

Sleep: I seriously sleep like a baby! I hope this continues!!

Maternity Clothes: Not yet, but I really think I want to buy some maternity pants. Those things like so comfy!

Movement: I wish! But it was soooo fun to hear movement through the doppler this week. You could hear him kick and wiggling around. It's my favorite!!

Looking Forward To: Getting an ultrasound with Emma this week! I will finally get a PICTURE and hopefully some video too. And just praying that everything is looking good :)

And last but not least here's my first "bump" picture. It really doesn't look like much yet, but I can tell the difference! It gets especially big at night.

And just for fun here's a 4 week vs 14 week picture. Okay you can definitely see a difference :)

Saturday, October 31, 2015

Random Halloween/October Post.

Oh man, this year we pretty much failed at Halloween. Okay, we didn't fail but life has been hectic between new jobs and a new house and we didn't carve pumpkins! For the first time in our 6 Halloweens together. I'm really bummed out.

We did go to a pumpkin patch with our Egberts! That was so much fun. Lydia is pretty much the cutest thing on the planet. She calls us "Nanna and Nannon" and she just wanted to hold my hand and be with me, so we're basically best friends!

Last night we decided we needed to do something Halloween-ish so we went to Nightmare on 13th. Everyone there was like 10 years younger than us but we just love haunted houses! I only got scared a few times, but mostly it was just fun.

Today I dressed the boys in costumes today for about five minutes. I think they're still mad at me for it. Ha! They HATED it. It's so funny because they basically won't move when they're wearing stuff they don't like. It kills me.

Anyway, we closed on our house Monday the 26th. Yay! The problem is, we are both working full time, so moving after work was not the most fun thing we've ever done. So we moved Monday night and Tuesday night and then had to go to work the next day. Talk about stressful and exhausting! I'm SOOOO grateful for everyone that came to help! Seriously we could not have done it without you! Especially with me being all pregnant, I can't lift heavy things.

And we LOVE our house. But it's a basically a disaster right now because:

1. I haven't had the time to organize
2. I haven't had the energy to organize
3. I am too sick to organize

Sooo hopefully we can just get it settled slowly but surely. But for now we are living in a disaster zone. Luckily, most of the kitchen is unpacked and totally usable so that's the most important thing :)

Once it's all set up I'll take more pictures and maybe take you on a video tour. We'll see. My favorite room is baby boy's room of course. Ahhh I can't believe we'll have a baby living in our house this spring! It's unreal!

And last but not least, I wanted to blog about my new job. I started working on October 12th. Yay! It's for a really fun company called BambooHR. The culture is REALLY awesome there and I already love it. Everyone is awesome. The best part of all? I had to go in for training for 2 weeks but now I get to work from HOME! Oh my gosh, I can't even tell you how giddy this makes me! First of all, I am pretty sick so to be able to puke in the comfort of my own home is glorious. And on top of that I get to be with my sweet boys ALL day! It's my dream come true!! It's really awesome to be able to roll out of bed, start work, watch Survivor and work on my house during my lunch break (or take a nap!!), work until 5 and then be HOME already. Yay!

Okay I'm trying to think if there's anything else I wanted to blog about, but I think I'll save the rest of the updates for my pregnancy post tomorrow :)
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